im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
