Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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