My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As shirtless as possible
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize