When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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