Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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