I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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