Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
