if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
