my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
