Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
