I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
