You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
