I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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