Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
