It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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