i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's rum buckets o'clock
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
