i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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