I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
two words: eviction party
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
