Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
