dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
