when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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