I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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