About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
