hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
