now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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