but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
