Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
cat food counts as protein by the way
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
