in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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