I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
