Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
