I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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