i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
