Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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