i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
