He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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