other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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