he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No subtext here. People are naked.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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