No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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