I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
