i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
