he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
