I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
