It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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