she was so not down for the gang bang
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
