I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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