Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize