Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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