ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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