i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
