It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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