I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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