roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
