After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
