Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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