I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
