Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
