In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
