We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
