3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
