I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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