You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
