This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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