I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
