This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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