I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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