I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
