Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
