at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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