it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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