eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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